“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” 2 Timothy 1:7
This is the fourth of five installments focusing on the tenets of Taekwondo: courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, and indomitable spirit. A good Taekwondo school will insist that its students exemplify all these traits. Understanding the meaning and purpose of each tenet is key to becoming a martial artist in both mind and body.
Self-control defined
Webster’s dictionary defines self-control as “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” Synonyms include words such as “self-discipline,” “willpower,” and “self-restraint.”
Similarly, Cornerstone University describes self-control as being of “critical importance” in an article on the subject. A “war” in which one must choose between “impulsivity” and “doing what’s right or beneficial” also describes the concept. I think these are all good descriptors—highlighting self-control as something we should aspire to. Perhaps another way to think about self-control is in terms of its antonyms; words like “overindulgence,” “excessiveness,” “weakness,” and “failing.”
Self-control leads to an indomitable spirit
Likely, everyone reading this understands how elusive self-control can be at times. As I sit here, I’m struggling with the desire to check social media rather than complete the task at hand. Similarly, it has been estimated that New Year’s resolutions fail at a whopping 80% rate. That’s discouraging (I’m talking to myself here). The truth is, though, the more I practice self-control, the closer I come to overcoming all the obstacles placed before me (hello, indomitable spirit)!
More than that, practicing self-control requires being put in situations in which practicing (or not) has consequences in real time; this, too, is the foundation of an indomitable spirit. Taekwondo is not the only place where this can be done, but it is an excellent place.
Self-control in children
According to the University of Nevada, young children who learn self-control will likely be more successful. This includes being more self-confident and having more friends. Additionally, self-control in early childhood is linked to better outcomes when transitioning to adulthood. Providing our children with opportunities to practice self-control is an ideal way to foster the acquired skill. What does that look like, though?
It’s not an easy thing, but placing our children in difficult situations allows them the opportunity to develop self-control. I witnessed this in my own children when they stood taller in the dojang rather than quit as I thought they might; or when their excitement for the sport grew though I thought for sure they were done; or when my discomfort over their discomfort was almost intolerable—yet they came out the other side a more confident person. To be clear, not all dojangs are created equally. Parents should use discernment when placing their children in any situation; however, don’t protect them from those hard moments. They need them.